All the friendly chats, all the advice I’d gone to him for,
all the trust I’d put into him, all the happiness I’d had, didn’t matter
anymore. I knew that. He’d tricked me. And I’d been too naïve, too stupid to
realise. I thought he was just being friendly. I thought he was being nice. I
thought we were friends. And I never told a soul about any of it. Why would I?
I have no friends to tell, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have told my parents. I
wish I had now.
“What’s the matter, Autumn? Don’t you trust me?” I closed my
eyes as his hot breath tickled my face. It smelled of stale tobacco and whisky.
I felt bile rise in my throat. I couldn’t escape from this. I was trapped, and
had no way of getting free. I turned my face away to try and distract myself, I
tried to disconnect myself from the situation but he grabbed my face
forcefully.
“Look at me. Look into my eyes. I asked you a question, and
now you’re going to answer it.” He held my face with one hand and pushed it
down, hard. I could feel him squeezing against the temples in my head and I
didn’t know how much longer I could take it.
“Answer me.” he shouted into my face, his spit landed in my
eyes, on my mouth, all over my face and I let out a gasp and fear shook my
body.
“Yes, I do. I do. I trust you.” I stumbled over my words as
I struggled to get them out quick enough. It seemed to please him. He released
my face from his grip and softly stroked my cheek.
“Good. Because I’ve helped you a lot, haven’t I? You’ve come
to me with all your little problems and I’ve helped you with them. Well, now
you’re going to help me. And you’re not going to tell anyone. Do you
understand?” When he’d finished speaking he smiled cruelly. I nodded and he
raised his eyebrows and then started tenderly feeling my hair. I didn’t like
this. Not one bit. Tears rolled down my cheeks and his hands moved around
different parts of my body, touching, feeling. It felt wrong, so wrong and so
dirty. But I had no power to stop him
now, it was too late and I was too weak. All I could do was lie here and wait
for it to be over.
[INSERT OTHER PARA HERE]
The anger and frustration built up inside me and I let out a
cry. I could feel my breath quicken and my hands started to tremble. My heart
pounded in my ears and my stomach started to churn. What had I done? How could
I have been so gullible?
I wanted to hurt myself. I wanted to scratch at my body,
make it bleed, hit it, bruise it, destroy it any way I could. I wanted to
punish myself. I deserved it. This was all my fault and I should be punished
for this. But I couldn’t. My hands were tied up behind my back and my ankles
bound together, and I sat curled up in the corner of a dark, frightening room.
The shadows leered and laughed at me. They screamed with laughter as I cried
hysterically. They danced and flickered around me, smothering me and choking
me. I couldn’t breathe, I was being suffocated. Nearer and nearer they came,
their faces right up close to mine, laughing so loud I couldn’t hear my cries
anymore. As they reached for me I felt my throat close up, my brain shut down
and I squeezed my eyes shut as I blacked out, leaving the shadows to fall
silent and slowly crawl away with disappointment after being denied their fresh
meat.
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So not quite sure which chapter this will be in, but I felt like writing something emotional tonight. Of course nowhere near finished, lots to add in and perhaps relook at, but for now, I'm happy with how this turned out.
